Last year, it was extremely easy to update everyone on how I was doing. I was happy to report that, for the very most part, things were great! I competed better than I ever had before, and when I didn't, I couldn't wait to get it all out in a post and move on. This year, I've been disappointed time and again because I feel awesome and end up throwing crappy. It's hard to keep coming back to the keyboard when I know I'm going to write about something that's discouraging and frustrating. I have a lot of people that I can talk to about how competition is going and how I'm feeling (Russ, my parents, Britney, Mike, Maggie, Jamie, Ty), but I guess my blog is where I put stuff to move past it.
So here we go.I threw in Bottropp, Germany on July 15th. It was a tiny meet that was actually really cool to be a part of. Russ and I took the train up there and back in the same day (only an hour one way), and there were a lot of American athletes, plus a German teammate of Russ's that he hadn't seen in years! Cool! I was looking forward to a low-key, low-pressure situation where I could focus on positions and not worry as much about distance. Unfortunately, my competitive nature got the best of me, and once again I tried too hard, waited too long to put my left foot down at the block and lost the tip of the javelin, only throwing 57m and placing second. Russ took video though, and for the first time since like April I saw what I've been doing on film. That meant that we went to practice that Monday armed with a plan and positivity on my end; I was a lot closer than I thought!
The Herculis Meeting in Monaco came next, on July 22nd. I love Monaco!! It is gorgeous, has fabulous weather all the time, reminds me of San Diego (just fancier), and I did well there last year. I felt awesome (again) warming up for the competition, and my warm-up throws actually went way better than they had in recent meets. My first throw felt like the good ones from warm-ups and it flew pretty well, but landed way, way too close to me. I adopted the same attitude on each throw; do what I'd been focusing on in practice and the distance would come. Unfortunately, neither one of those things happened and I ended up last. Again.
I've been feeling really sorry for myself for a while now, and I wanted someone to just come along and magically fix me. There has been this desperation to figure it out right now, and I think that has been my downfall. Multiple people have advised me to just be patient, and that has been really difficult because of my own expectations, but I'm trying my best. I did have a revelation yesterday:
The season's not over yet.Tomorrow, I'm going to practice and I will think the whole time about how I can still accomplish my biggest goals for 2011. What I need to do to get there is slow down, be more disciplined than ever in my technique, and remember why I do what I do in the first place. So here we go!